Friday, November 17, 2017

Playing catch up again

Mario Turned 8 years old in august!  We had a Solar eclipse that day.  I celebrated my 38th Birthday . 

 Penelope getting ready for her first middle school Dance.
 Gabriella 16 months old in this picture.  She is such a sweet joy to have ! 
 Eric taking the boat out for one last cruise .  The end of summer 2017

 Penelopes First Sadie hawkins dance
 Eric and I celebrating 12 years of marriage.  We hired a sitter and went to Grand Vue park.  It was a nice day.  We Had dinner and went for a hike.
 Penelope played Volleyball this year.  I am so proud her!  She Amazes me everyday -  Like she always has... She spent more time at the school the first nine weeks than she did at home.  her social life is great!  She has been spending time with friends and staying active!
 My mom and dad came to visit.
 Garden club had a fun program in september.  We made arrangements in milk pods.
 My sweet gabbi-doo
 Mario and I having fun with snap chat.  He teaches me something new and cool  everyday!  He still loves his dinosaurs!

 Penelope and our tappan neighbor Shirley Bray.  Shirley is a sweet and wonderful lady.  I have known her for over 30 years and she is like family!   

 The girls enjoying the last day on the lake.

 My boy Dom!  I hardly ever get to post about him these days.  he is quiet and likes his space.  I respect it.  He is a cool kid with a good heart. 

 Crazy hair day
 My momma and I!  My- oh -my  do I love this lady!  She called me the other day!  The first time in over a year.  I missed it of course b/c our phone line was down.  But I heard the message.  Then she called me again a few days later!  Those are the great days!

 Penelope is also in band!  the girl is busy!  Volleyball is over for the season- but she will march tomorrow for the Christmas parade.
 He is so stink'in handsome ! Mario had to get a hair cut b/c he had an itch on his head at school --- (not what you are thinking)  ... Just an itch so he cut that area out while in class. I noticed it at the dr.'s office .  He is funny!
 Penelope Dressed up as Miranda Sings.  One of the cool things I love  about her(Penelope)  is that she thinks of creative ideas and she goes for it. 
 I was able to chaperon Marios field trip to Pittsburgh Children's museum.  It was a fantastic day!
 Family got together this month to see Cousins from Vegas and My dear grandma. 

 Mario ready for Church.  Yes-  CHURCH!  After a BIG battle of sadness that I had to pull my self out of ... and after talking with my dad, eric and the kids-  Eric and Decided to try out the Vineyard Church in Wheeling.  It all happened one sunday .  Mario asked me to take him to a classmates birthday party.  Earlier that morning I prayed.  I prayed that I find a place of comfort and to be honest-  friendship. (it is lonely here)  A girl had a "I love my Church " shirt on.  I asked her about it.  She said she was comfortable at the vineyard.  I got her number to let her know if I would attend.  I wanted to sit by someone and not feel more lost.  Anyhow-  Eric Agreed and Mario was super happy.  he is all about creation  and love. I like it there.  It reminds me about joys in life.  It helps me through the week.  For the record... My dad did not encourage that I go this church.  He mentioned that I needed God in my life.  He is a Jehovah witness and he practices the faith .  He was right though.  I needed it.  What I like about the Vineyard is that I can still feel comfortable with calling God Jehovah.  I feel welcomed.  I am not bashing the JW's -  I only need to state that I was constantly corrected.  It was rare to  feel love & uplifted  by  the congregations.  Anyhow,  I am trying really hard to not allow anyone to guilt me into thinking this is not a good idea.  That is problem when you are raised as a Jehovah Witness -  They pound into your brain that if you go anywhere else - god will forsake you.  But I am not leaving God.  I am learning more about him and Jesus.  I honestly know nothing about about jesus.  My relationship is just with Jehovah. I want to know more about Jesus. 
   Gabriella is still nursing! After her hospital last year -  she has not touched a bottle.  Only boob!  She never took a pacifier either. I had no clue she would be nursing this long.  She will be 18 months Dec2.  We have no plans of stopping.  When she wants to stop- we will.  This is the longest I have ever nursed any of the kids.  The main reason why I haven't tried to wean is that she is allergic to cow's milk.   She drinks juices,water  and nurses. It comforts her.  She is the last baby. I cherish these moments & cuddles. 
More updates- I had an  adult  drink this summer.  Well-  that turned into more than one drink ~ a few weeks later and one terrible week after that. So-  I once again decided to take a break .  It has been four months  ... and it is was so easy this time to just say good bye to drinking.  It does nothing for me - and I feel like crap  after drinking one beverage.  It really feels good to be done~  When I stopped drinking years ago ~  I needed encouragement.  This time-  I believe that it is not good for me. It is toxic ick. 
  Life is good. Still  Concerned about our area and looking for a new home.   It will happen one day. 

Friday, September 15, 2017

AD Sucks

I have not blogged about this before~    Mostly because I do not want it to be real or wish it would go away.  The past three years my mother has been experiencing dementia OR mild cognitive impairment  .  The scans of her brain show what looks like early onset of  or what they have recognized from other AD scans.  To be around her , you would hardly notice anything different.  When you start to ask her a few questions about her day-  She gets confused or has to ask my father.  He is basically her calendar/ memory book.    She stopped driving over a year and half ago.  She still wanders to the post office everyday.  :)    Other than that ~  She waits until my dad comes home and those two enjoy adventures together.  My father has been an excellent caregiver, provider and husband.  Mom stopped cooking too.  Dad has found a new skill in the culinary world.   Some parts of  all of this is bitter sweet.   He cooks all the meals and make sure she takes all her medicines. Dad brings mom along for rental maintenance for their rental properties.  The other day she helped dad stack wood.  She is still strong and to look at her~  you would never know.    Her health is good.  This awful disease  that strips her from remembering -  just sucks!
  There are REALLY good days.   Thankfully ~ The good days are still out weighing bad days.   Of course - I am not there as much I should be...  and I worry about her non stop.  Facebook reminds me that  just three years ago mom would come visit.  She would bring me coffee and we would go shopping.  I miss those morning / daytime visits.  She never calls me anymore either.  It is not that she doesn't want to call.  She just doesn't remember to or know my number anymore or perhaps how to put that together to make the call. I try to call her every day.  However -  yesterday I showed her a picture of my friends baby. She remembered where my friend lived 20 plus years ago.  I am always amazed at what she can remember .  Her past is not a problem.  She can clearly see it .  It is the short term memory that is not connecting.  If she orders something off the menu-  She can't remember two minutes  later what she ordered.  I am not sure if memory comes back later in the day.  Like if she forgets that she talked to me already -  would she remember that evening?  Does she need reminded that she talked to me? I need to spend more time with her  to figure that one out.
  She is my mom!  I love her so much that my heart is aching. She is happy and she does a lot - as long as my dad is right beside her.   The minute he leaves her side-  (when they are out)  she will ask every few minutes "where did your dad go?" I am use to this now and I do not mind telling 20 times the same answer.  I am just glad that I am able to spend time with her.
  At first -  when this all started, I was not prepared.  My reactions to this were not pleasant.  I was annoyed by the repeated stories ( that  was five years ago)  now I encourage those stories.  She repeats the same story about when she was little .  it is happy place for her and I have heard the same story every single time I am around her .  some times more than once in  the same day.  I smile and act like it was the first time I have  ever heard it .  years ago when this started -  I got real upset that she did it.  "mom ,  you told me this already " . It angered me .    My mother has always been  strong and on top everything .
  When I look back to 6 to seven years ago-  and after researching all of this ,  there were signs.   She would buy the same outfits over and over again for the kids.  each time she came to visit - she would bring one.  then it was puddings .  I had over one hundred puddings  in my cabinet.  My kids started to hate pudding :) .   I miss that now !   I miss her coming here and bringing us simple sweet gifts and her company.     Two years ago I cleaned out her cleaning closet.  She had 15 bottles on windex and a lot of Pledge dust spray.  I lined it all up like a store shelf .  I told her that she has a lifetime supply and no need to ever purchase these items again.
  I started this post a few days ago.  Its been emotional typing it all out.  Processing this and expressing my feeling seems really selfish. How does she feel?  She says the same things everyday when I call.  I have only seen her scared once.  It was a few days after the Dr. told her what was going on.  My dad was right there to help her .  he calmed her down and is always by her side now.
  In case you do not know-  My parents are amazing people.  Mom would have done the exact same for my dad if the positions were reversed.   My parents have always been by our sides... even during the terrible "we know it all "  teenage years.  My mom really became my best friend when I started to have children.  I new bond was made between us.  She is an amazing grandma - and to this day -  she is wonderful with the kids.  She doesn't watch the baby much.  I do not want her to feel overwhelmed or if something would happen-  I do not want her to worry.   She loves them though. She looks at their pictures in her living room everyday.  When i call her ,  she talks to the baby and gets excited when she hears her try to talk.
  I would love for this to not progress.  I would love for her memory to be restored.  But since that is not how all of this works... I will continue to  cherish every moment , every conversation and  every single day I have my mother  here.

 mothers day 2017
 mothers day 2017