There are REALLY good days. Thankfully ~ The good days are still out weighing bad days. Of course - I am not there as much I should be... and I worry about her non stop. Facebook reminds me that just three years ago mom would come visit. She would bring me coffee and we would go shopping. I miss those morning / daytime visits. She never calls me anymore either. It is not that she doesn't want to call. She just doesn't remember to or know my number anymore or perhaps how to put that together to make the call. I try to call her every day. However - yesterday I showed her a picture of my friends baby. She remembered where my friend lived 20 plus years ago. I am always amazed at what she can remember . Her past is not a problem. She can clearly see it . It is the short term memory that is not connecting. If she orders something off the menu- She can't remember two minutes later what she ordered. I am not sure if memory comes back later in the day. Like if she forgets that she talked to me already - would she remember that evening? Does she need reminded that she talked to me? I need to spend more time with her to figure that one out.
She is my mom! I love her so much that my heart is aching. She is happy and she does a lot - as long as my dad is right beside her. The minute he leaves her side- (when they are out) she will ask every few minutes "where did your dad go?" I am use to this now and I do not mind telling 20 times the same answer. I am just glad that I am able to spend time with her.
At first - when this all started, I was not prepared. My reactions to this were not pleasant. I was annoyed by the repeated stories ( that was five years ago) now I encourage those stories. She repeats the same story about when she was little . it is happy place for her and I have heard the same story every single time I am around her . some times more than once in the same day. I smile and act like it was the first time I have ever heard it . years ago when this started - I got real upset that she did it. "mom , you told me this already " . It angered me . My mother has always been strong and on top everything .
When I look back to 6 to seven years ago- and after researching all of this , there were signs. She would buy the same outfits over and over again for the kids. each time she came to visit - she would bring one. then it was puddings . I had over one hundred puddings in my cabinet. My kids started to hate pudding :) . I miss that now ! I miss her coming here and bringing us simple sweet gifts and her company. Two years ago I cleaned out her cleaning closet. She had 15 bottles on windex and a lot of Pledge dust spray. I lined it all up like a store shelf . I told her that she has a lifetime supply and no need to ever purchase these items again.
I started this post a few days ago. Its been emotional typing it all out. Processing this and expressing my feeling seems really selfish. How does she feel? She says the same things everyday when I call. I have only seen her scared once. It was a few days after the Dr. told her what was going on. My dad was right there to help her . he calmed her down and is always by her side now.
In case you do not know- My parents are amazing people. Mom would have done the exact same for my dad if the positions were reversed. My parents have always been by our sides... even during the terrible "we know it all " teenage years. My mom really became my best friend when I started to have children. I new bond was made between us. She is an amazing grandma - and to this day - she is wonderful with the kids. She doesn't watch the baby much. I do not want her to feel overwhelmed or if something would happen- I do not want her to worry. She loves them though. She looks at their pictures in her living room everyday. When i call her , she talks to the baby and gets excited when she hears her try to talk.
I would love for this to not progress. I would love for her memory to be restored. But since that is not how all of this works... I will continue to cherish every moment , every conversation and every single day I have my mother here.