Friday, September 15, 2017

AD Sucks

I have not blogged about this before~    Mostly because I do not want it to be real or wish it would go away.  The past three years my mother has been experiencing dementia OR mild cognitive impairment  .  The scans of her brain show what looks like early onset of  or what they have recognized from other AD scans.  To be around her , you would hardly notice anything different.  When you start to ask her a few questions about her day-  She gets confused or has to ask my father.  He is basically her calendar/ memory book.    She stopped driving over a year and half ago.  She still wanders to the post office everyday.  :)    Other than that ~  She waits until my dad comes home and those two enjoy adventures together.  My father has been an excellent caregiver, provider and husband.  Mom stopped cooking too.  Dad has found a new skill in the culinary world.   Some parts of  all of this is bitter sweet.   He cooks all the meals and make sure she takes all her medicines. Dad brings mom along for rental maintenance for their rental properties.  The other day she helped dad stack wood.  She is still strong and to look at her~  you would never know.    Her health is good.  This awful disease  that strips her from remembering -  just sucks!
  There are REALLY good days.   Thankfully ~ The good days are still out weighing bad days.   Of course - I am not there as much I should be...  and I worry about her non stop.  Facebook reminds me that  just three years ago mom would come visit.  She would bring me coffee and we would go shopping.  I miss those morning / daytime visits.  She never calls me anymore either.  It is not that she doesn't want to call.  She just doesn't remember to or know my number anymore or perhaps how to put that together to make the call. I try to call her every day.  However -  yesterday I showed her a picture of my friends baby. She remembered where my friend lived 20 plus years ago.  I am always amazed at what she can remember .  Her past is not a problem.  She can clearly see it .  It is the short term memory that is not connecting.  If she orders something off the menu-  She can't remember two minutes  later what she ordered.  I am not sure if memory comes back later in the day.  Like if she forgets that she talked to me already -  would she remember that evening?  Does she need reminded that she talked to me? I need to spend more time with her  to figure that one out.
  She is my mom!  I love her so much that my heart is aching. She is happy and she does a lot - as long as my dad is right beside her.   The minute he leaves her side-  (when they are out)  she will ask every few minutes "where did your dad go?" I am use to this now and I do not mind telling 20 times the same answer.  I am just glad that I am able to spend time with her.
  At first -  when this all started, I was not prepared.  My reactions to this were not pleasant.  I was annoyed by the repeated stories ( that  was five years ago)  now I encourage those stories.  She repeats the same story about when she was little .  it is happy place for her and I have heard the same story every single time I am around her .  some times more than once in  the same day.  I smile and act like it was the first time I have  ever heard it .  years ago when this started -  I got real upset that she did it.  "mom ,  you told me this already " . It angered me .    My mother has always been  strong and on top everything .
  When I look back to 6 to seven years ago-  and after researching all of this ,  there were signs.   She would buy the same outfits over and over again for the kids.  each time she came to visit - she would bring one.  then it was puddings .  I had over one hundred puddings  in my cabinet.  My kids started to hate pudding :) .   I miss that now !   I miss her coming here and bringing us simple sweet gifts and her company.     Two years ago I cleaned out her cleaning closet.  She had 15 bottles on windex and a lot of Pledge dust spray.  I lined it all up like a store shelf .  I told her that she has a lifetime supply and no need to ever purchase these items again.
  I started this post a few days ago.  Its been emotional typing it all out.  Processing this and expressing my feeling seems really selfish. How does she feel?  She says the same things everyday when I call.  I have only seen her scared once.  It was a few days after the Dr. told her what was going on.  My dad was right there to help her .  he calmed her down and is always by her side now.
  In case you do not know-  My parents are amazing people.  Mom would have done the exact same for my dad if the positions were reversed.   My parents have always been by our sides... even during the terrible "we know it all "  teenage years.  My mom really became my best friend when I started to have children.  I new bond was made between us.  She is an amazing grandma - and to this day -  she is wonderful with the kids.  She doesn't watch the baby much.  I do not want her to feel overwhelmed or if something would happen-  I do not want her to worry.   She loves them though. She looks at their pictures in her living room everyday.  When i call her ,  she talks to the baby and gets excited when she hears her try to talk.
  I would love for this to not progress.  I would love for her memory to be restored.  But since that is not how all of this works... I will continue to  cherish every moment , every conversation and  every single day I have my mother  here.

 mothers day 2017
 mothers day 2017



Friday, August 18, 2017

2017 First day of School

 First day

 The bus stop crew.

 Penelope and I ~  My beautiful , intelligent and busy bee daughter.  I wish for to have an awesome year!  She is playing volleyball, Strings and band.  She wants to join the Speech team too. She makes me proud everyday!  
 Penelope & Eric!

 Dom~  10 years old ~  last year of Grade school .

 Domenic~  This summer I have noticed he is turning into a young man.  He has found his group of friends and he is confident. He still loves to create worlds and loves learning everything!  He doesn't want to play an instrument...  but i am making him.  Only because he had to play a recorder last year.  He memorized every note and can play songs with out looking at the notes.  He plays it like he does games and his memory is incredible. So,  if he plays at least one year of an instrument,   he might enjoy it too.  Plus,  band will help him interact with other students .

 Mario- 2nd grade   ~Domenic 5th grade ~  Penelope 6th and started middle school

 My four beautiful , creative and super amazing tribe!

 This super sweet and handsome young man will be celebrating his 8th birthday in three days.  Yesterday he started 2nd grade.  Marzipan ( my nickname for him)  is a great kid.  He is so intelligent and creative. I love his imagination and I hope that never fades.  He will do amazing things in life.  He has that "it'  thing about him.  None of my kids are anything alike.  They look alike and that is about it.  They all have found their own interests and love to share that with each other.  Eric and I are truly blessed .  I mention that a lot in my blog.  The way i see it~  It is great to realize all the wonderfulness in my life.  It hasn't been easy with any of my kids.  It has been work and struggles.   The positives are that they are healthy and loving.  That is all I can ask for.